I have to read 30 pages of Contracts. And Torts… 20 pages, I think. Ok. I can do that by Contracts class at 10:25. Oh. I have to read Civ Pro too…”
In my mind, I recited my list of things to do before class, opened my eyes a minute before 5:20 AM, then began thinking of the research paper I had to edit sometime today.

I couldn’t do it. I knew I had to wake up, but I had no strength. My eyes refused to focus. They stung. Threatened to remain shut if I tried to open them. Eight times I tried to sit up and swing my feet off the bed onto the floor. Eight times I gave up and flopped helplessly back on my pillows.

Four hours later, I finally forced myself to stumble into the shower. After trying to pray for strength repeatedly, and falling asleep each time, I finally mumbled an eloquent “God, please get me through today” as I turned on the water. The squeal of the faucet knobs as I adjusted the water temperature reminded me that I was no longer asleep.

I never read for my first class today.

I haven’t been able to really read anything in a semester, it seems. Everything has been rushed, not fully absorbed.

I could list at least thirty reasons I feel overwhelmed, upset, hurt, inadequate, and as if I am both failing and a failure.

In fact, I think I’ve been indulging myself in coming up with way more than thirty reasons today.

But for those thirty reasons, though they are valid, and I’ve never felt so physically worn, mentally and emotionally worn out, there are at least one hundred more reasons to give thanks.

Give thanks in every circumstance.

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13)

A certain song writer by the name of Matt Redman would say there are 10,000 reasons for praising God.

I don’t know if I will be able to finish law school. I don’t even know if I will be able to get up tomorrow, much less finish writing my paper tonight.

I know that I am on the brink. The abyss is waiting, eager to swallow me whole.

But I also know that my God is stronger than any powers, whether in heaven, earth, or hell; I know that my God calls me his child, regardless of whether I pass this semester; I know that nothing can separate me from His love. I have a million reasons to be thankful. Even if I lose everything, and there is a very real possibility that may happen, I will be found in Him. I will not be lost, for He will always hold me.

“Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
Let me be singing when the evening comes.

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before,
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name.”
-10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman